I am pretty random, but I must do it at my own pace, with moderation, some planning, and a little give & take
What does that mean? Well, random and planning don’t exactly go together, but for me there are a couple of particular concerns. While I like to be sporadic, my brain is in a form of constant stress. Its just the way it interprets things. It needs a little time to adjust, and get in the mood.
Things/Factors that affect this include: A: who’s idea it was; B: how locked in other choices were; C: other stress & issues; D: time & proximity.
For instance, I can’t be forced. That screws with all the factors. While there are ways to help me along, try not to trick me. It may backfire!
The reason I write this:
The interesting thing the finally got me to write about this is an incident that happened the other day. Someone asked to join me for dinner near my house because I was letting a friend from out of town crash with me. I had already talked to the friend about taking at least an hour…. or just an hour to chill somewhere in the neighborhood we were all at.
The important thing to note is that my friend said yea lets do that. I suggested that we find a place near here. This area is: 1, where we were already at; 2, where my chilling event was; and 3, where our other common friends lived anyway.
Sure, no one had really planned on doing the chill thing, but they had not planned on anything else either. Or were they trying to coerce there way into coming to my house. That would be non-consensual.NOTE: My house is cramped, messy, and not setup for a bunch of guests. Plus, my roommate doesn’t like a bunch of guests. Sure, we use different entrances and do not cross over much, but still.
Later, after I had settled into the thought that ok, we are going to the thing I wanted to do. Not only was that now the plan. (I was not forcing anyone to do it — Even with the person who was my guest, I asked if it was cool if we did xyz) Everyone was getting excited about it. They wanted to show off there moves, etc. Then, after dinner, and the building excitement about xyz, someone outside the group said hey you all should come over for zyx another event. I probably would have been ok doing zyx either after xyz if I were not too tired (remember I only asked for an hour), if I were given time to adjust, and especially if we had not been hyping & planning for xyz… zyx is an event I would love to do, but at this point I was already looking forward to xyz.
As it turns out, I don’t think any (many) in the group even ended up doing zyx. Instead, they wandered around. They went to another friends house (like they wanted to secretly do to my place???). On the way, they said they drove by where I was, and didn’t see anyone. I’m sorry, but I left something their and had to pick it up, and it was still clearly visable from the road they drove down.
What makes this especially disappointing is that I had stayed twice as long as I wanted to because I was allowing them to party it up. Something they didn’t even do.
Next, they wanted me to come over and party it up more (At least that is what it seemed like). Sorry, but my guest really needed to get some rest. I probably would have joined if they had actually stopped where I was at (xyz).
Ok, what does this mean?
A: who’s idea it was; If its my plan and every says yes, it becomes extremely hard to change.
B: how locked in other choices were; If there is hype, excitement, and the deal is pretty locked in, it takes a bit more effort/time to change (see time below) [NOTE: I wander and change my environment frequently — see other blog note]
C: other stress & issues; If I have a lot going on, I need a little extra time to reset my mind to the changes.
D: time & proximity; If the whole night is random, I don’t need much time to adjust, but if something was pretty locked in, I need more time. If we are headed somewhere I kinda need to be headed there. We can probably stop along the way, but it all depends on timing. I try to be pretty laissez faire, I understand nothing happens “on time”, but since I procrastinate so much, I want to be prepared. (nothing…. bar, club, music, etc. Especially in the Big Easy, but there are enough events that are, we should at least swing by find out what the schedule is, and go from there)
The Why – Etiquette – Backfire
No one likes to be “tricked” but to work within a set of paramaters, is good. More so as you get to know peoples restrictions. This is why I write this. As people get to know me, people get closer, and the issue comes up, I can now point to this. I find that there are some generalaties that if people follow them they can get along with most people. The things here if followed will allow most anyone to participate.
For me, there may be extra sensitivities as I do have Aspie Tendencies. When dealing with each other at arm’s distance, these don’t matter, but as people get closer they must realize how I am affected, react, etc. See some of my other AS (asperger) posts to see other aspects that may or may not become apparent.